CDC: Wash your hands again.
Me: Check.
CDC: Stop touching your face.
Me: Check.
CDC: Disinfect all surfaces.
Me: Check
CDC: Cancel everything and stay home.
Me: Check
CDC: Stop kissing your cat.
Me: Aahh, if I die I die.

Drawing by Kliban

A car pulled up next to me at a stoplight. Their radio was really loud and clear. The radio announcer was saying, “Woman your car is so dirty. Why don’t you wash your dirty car. Your car is so dirty, ugh. Your car needs washing.” I looked over and that man’s car window was closed. And he was giving side-eye to me and my dirty car.

When you get a reading, listen hard. Remember I have no idea what I am talking about, because I do not know you. Or maybe I just barely know you.
 
So here I am looking at pictures on cards and seeing all kinds of things about you. Listen and pay attention. There is no time to waste in a reading that is under an hour, it’s going to be busy busy busy with no time for bullshit. I never know what I’m going to see and once in a while I do get creeped out, just because when I see the client make that nervous little giggle, I know they are repressing their own little creep out about how much I can see.
 
Please do not get a reading if you are unwilling to be seen. I mean it, please don’t. Let me do my job.
 
Sometimes I see things that I can’t identify. I have never been to a monster truck rally. I’ve never seen a ferret. I’ve never felt the pressure on the body of deep sea diving. I’ve never killed an animal with my bare hands. I’ve never kissed a ray of laser light, or piloted an airplane, or worked in higher mathematics, or been to Japan. I might not know what I’m looking at. I might not know what I'm talking about. I will just tell you what I see.

Dear Pope,
 
Lately I’ve been checking into what it is you actually believe about yourself. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you believe you are the only person who can talk directly to God, and there is only one God. Did I get that part right?
 
Next, I started looking at the things you say to God every day. There are well over an hour’s worth of things, and your job requires you to say them. Yah, the same things every day. Those things all fall into one of three categories. Those categories are 1) Telling God what his powers are, 2) Telling God how awesome adorable and chill he is, and 3) Asking God for favors.
 
Fine so far, and none of my business, but don’t you think God gets bored with this? He is not allowed to hear from anybody else. He doesn’t have any equals with whom he can hang out and just shoot the shit. You have been hectoring him with the same agenda for (I looked into this too) 1695 years now. Wouldn’t one assume that God already knows what his powers are, and he has sussed that you’re kissing his ass because he can get things done for you? One would like to think that God is smarter than I am, and I can figure out this much, so.
 
So I don’t know this part here. Please fill me in. When you are talking to God, do you do any listening? And if so, does he tell you he is bored, and would like to hear from some other people, and would like to bring in some more supernatural beings to play some DnD tonight, with brewskies or maybe even shots, and you can stop kissing up to him because he finds it distasteful? I’m just wondering if that’s ever something you hear. But and so IF you heard that, would you pass it along to the cardinals for their opinions? Or would you just make it happen straight off, or would you ignore it?
 
Eagerly anticipating your response,
Gretchen Williams, Santa Rosa, CA

Because I like to know that we both are serious about this. At a later date, she will go back and reflect upon what we talked about. She won’t be distracted by trying to take notes while I’m reading. She won’t be relying on her own selective memory. Not even a speck of the message will fall to the ground.
 
When I see that cell phone set up on the table, and I see that sly little tap on the red button, I know I’m on. I like it. There’s nothing better.
 
I’m putting up the Judgment card here, which is heavy for this topic I’ll admit. Who gets heavy about cell phones. Stay with me here.
 
The Judgment card says one is reflecting upon oneself and evaluating one’s life purpose. It has something in common with the Seven of Pentacles, in the sense of gathering up one’s investments, but the Seven speaks only of seasonal temporary things. The Judgment card speaks of the Soul’s journey toward enlightenment. And how is that going. How are one’s actions in alignment with one’s highest goal. Even the person who is really staying on track should be getting goose bumps at the Judgment card. It asks, Where are you spending your Eternity? After this wave of time washes over you and is gone, who will you be?   
 
Not every reading speaks to such a large question. But every reading deserves to be recorded, because every reading contains something for one to reflect upon. That is my hope.

It's okay if you don't.

We think of totems as things like bears wolves eagles lions and large scary beings who were in competition with early humans. But little magical creatures like hummingbirds butterflies and squirrels can also carry psychic power.

The Dragonfly is a totem animal. Mine, in fact, dear reader. It says to me, the material world is an illusion. The great Hindu teachers call it Maya. If the material world is something along the lines of a lucid dream, then with practice one can learn to deliberately create it the way one wants it to be. I appreciate that dragonflies are carnivorous, that they shimmer in sunlight, that they metamorphose, that they are older than the dinosaurs, that when they are newborn they have gills and breathe underwater. What could be more dreamlike than that.

A dragonfly will appear to me when I need to be reminded that my experience is not just happening to me, without my volition, but that I am attracting experiences that make my beliefs true for me. And my belief is nothing more than a thought I continue to think. And I can think whatever I please. So take that, reality.

Inserting the truth of the Dragonfly is a great thing to do when you get one of those bummer cards like the Five of Cups or the Five of Pentacles. The Aquarian deck I use doesn't have a card with a dragonfly on it so we'll just do it for ourselves.

Photo by Karen McDonald.

I have a habit, which I think is a good habit, that I learned from my mother. Once a week or so I inventory my possessions and get rid of things. It’s not as if I look into every drawer and closet, ack no, but I cast a critical eye here and there and try to find something I can give away or throw away. It’s quite refreshing.
 
In the Tarot, the cards for getting rid of things are The Tower, Death, Strength, The Hanged Man, the Page of Swords, and the Nine of Pentacles. So let’s look at these.
 
You’ve been holding on too long, resisting change, and it’s time to snap out of it. You’ve got The Tower now. If you won’t let go, circumstances will force you. And soon.
 
Clear the way for new things. Out with the old, bury it. The Death card tells us to make space for new ideas, new people, new events.
 
The shadow living within the self, where we hide our trashy secrets, must be encountered with gentleness. To be persuasive and patient with oneself takes true Strength.
 
The Hanged Man has surrendered. He ends the struggle. He drops the rope in the tug-of-war with life. In that way he allows the goodness of life to come to him. He submits to all of it, so all of it is good to him.
 
The Page of Swords insists that you embrace a difficult situation and meet its challenge. He demands your honesty, your ethics, your logic and reason, and your firm resolve. I never said he was easy to live with.
 
Rejecting whatever is coarse or offensive, pursuing greater refinement, and relying upon one’s own judgment is signified by the Nine of Pentacles. The self-discipline of this card is totally anti-hoarding. It’s the Marie Kondo of cards.

It’s no surprise that four out of these six cards are Major Arcana. Letting go and cleaning up are big issues in our more-more-more culture. Seeing it in the Tarot can break that mesmerism.

1. You survived adolescence.
2. Right this minute, someone somewhere is thinking about your legs.
3. You are reading. That’s enough right there.
4. The sun rose this morning just to look at you. That’s right, I said so.

 
The Tarot has so much to say about your fabulousness. The Queens of all four suits, and every female represented in the Major Arcana, are fabulous. I daresay the most glamorous card is The Sun, shining forth for all to see. In mere physical terms our Sun is over 4.5 billion years old so you have nothing to worry about as far as getting older. In all the mythos I know of, our Sun is thought of as a male deity, right? I don’t care. If I want to think of the Sun as a glamorous crone nobody can stop me.
 
Here and now I put into circulation the term “Glammacrone.” You already know what it means.
 
It’s okay for you to be fabulous because it is okay, and you don’t need anyone to tell you why. You may step in to your life as a Glammacrone. If it pleases you.
 
What would you do if you were a Sun God/dess? Upon whom would you shine. What dark corners would you illuminate. How often would you rise up, and where would you go to rest. How bright would you be. What would you create. How long would you live.

If I see The Chariot, the Knight of Swords, the Four of Pentacles, and the Nine of Rods all in the same spread for a person? I’m pretty sure they are just a complete asshole.
 
The Chariot says, “I must win at all costs. Nothing is more important to me than winning.”
 
The Knight of Swords is picky picky picky. Everything has to be perfect and nothing is ever good enough.
 
The Four of Pentacles says, “This is mine. This territory, this relationship, this project is mine. Everybody else stay away.”
 
The Nine of Rods is stubborn. Don’t even bother trying to soften the Nine of Rods. The status quo means more than you do.
 
Of course all these cards have positive aspects when balanced out with other traits. Nothing wrong with a little fun competition, striving for high standards, declaring boundaries, or maintaining stability. It just has to be counterpoised with a card that says, “I am interested in you. I appreciate your efforts. Let’s work together. We can share this.” There are many cards saying these things.
 
I do so wish everyone would get a Tarot reading before launching a new job or a new relationship. It could save one a lot of ass-pain and heart-ache.